Coming Q3: Gab Pro Membership Comes With 15 Minute Ride on Andrew Torba’s Tractor

CLARKS SUMMIT, PA: With the announcement that all Gab users will soon be able to upload to Gab TV without a Gab Pro account, a new incentive for the paid membership felt necessary. It didn’t take long for the social media company’s CEO Andrew Torba to deliver.

“I’m thrilled to invite all Gab Pro members to a once annual 15 minute ride on my tractor. You’ll have to keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times,” Torba said. “I’m also not doing donuts, I get car sick very easily.”

I was present on opening day of “Torba’s Tractor Turn Up & Turnip Harvest,” a beta test of the program which drew the biggest names in free speech and most important players of The Parallel Economy to the rural Pennsylvania farm.

“Andrew’s farm has a regular store bought mailbox,” pro user Garpunk said. “I want to know why he didn’t build his mailbox out of 85th and Pine cutting boards.”

User KangKarl was very curious where goats stored their milk. “I have an idea, but I don’t want to speculate.”

Torba was kind enough to provide hors d’oeuvres to his guests. “Seriously Andrew?,” asked Laura Loomer. “Only bacon and crab cakes?” The journalist turned politician was content eating a raw turnip.

I personally need to apologize to Mr. Torba for my behavior surrounding his poultry. I had thrown a Patriot Candle Co. Leftist Tears scented candle at one of his chickens to find out what sound it would make. Worth it. ■

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