Inflation Gone Wild: Democrats Can No Longer Afford Paid Protesters

WASHINGTON, DC: House Democrats are struggling to energize their base for the upcoming midterm elections. “Leaking the court draft was a great idea until we looked at the paid protestor budget. We can only afford to send out the mob for another week and a half,” said one anonymous congressperson.

Senator Bernie Sanders also has concerns. “These vagrants want a minimum of $15 an hour. Who can afford that, really?”

Representative Ocasio Cortez was asked if they should have the right to unionize. “Unions are great, they’re like, so cool. I’ve gotta go!”

Speaker Pelosi issued a formal statement. “It’s our belief that we can offer the homeless people from my district $8 an hour. It’s just a matter of transportation infrastructure, which we now have,” Pelosi said through a smile. “We’ve gotten so good at flying migrants to New York in the middle of the night, we can fly in a new team of people.” ■

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